I did that once

Thoughts

I really love the song “Status Quo.”

I mean, REALLY.

The thing is, it’s an articulation of so much that I’ve tried to express my whole life.  My entire raison d’être is to fuck up the status quo and make people question everything they believe in.  I don’t want to just file along through life like others do.  I want to make a difference.

Long diatribe under the cut.

It starts without questioning the answers

And giving up before you’ve begun

I spent so much of my life feeling like I had lost the race before I even started.  I can remember several times feeling like it was too late to start over.  I’m only now starting to realize that the only limits I have are the ones I place on myself.

It locks all the doors, increases the pressure

And in a flash, your time is up before it’s done

And you won’t know how it can feel

To feel at all

Talk about meaningful lines.  Coping with depression means that I had to spend a lot of my childhood in a state of numbness.  The problem with anti-anxiety and anti-depression medicines is that, when they’re not at the right levels, leave a person completely numb.  I rebelled a dozen times as a teenager by skipping doses altogether.  I was so numbed from overmedication that I wanted to feel something.  Of course, it ultimately backfired.

So I say

No-o-o

To status quo

Who wants to be like the rest

And deny the best that I’m meant for

As a kid, I wanted nothing more than to be like the others in my grade— popular, skinny, blond, well-adjusted.  Then, I finally grew up a little bit and realized that I’ve got so much more to give than just my looks and “popularity.”  I’m more than that.

I will show

The status quo

Who cares about normal?

I’ll never conform

I’ll be content to resent the status quo.

I don’t want to be normal.  Ever since I realized that I’m somehow different from everyone else, I’ve loved that about myself.  Even when I hated being different, I still loved it in a weird polarizing way.  I will never be “normal,” nor do I want to be.

I kick down the walls around me

They don’t know how strong I am

People often don’t realize the emotional strength that I have thanks to the shit I’ve  had to go through.  On the surface, I seem like a bubbly, foul-mouthed 20-something.  But there’s so much pain and doubt underneath that veneer of happiness, and I know the strength that comes from the pain.  I can get through anything because I have gotten through so much.

I’m not defined by boundaries

They could never understand

Those who haven’t dealt with psychological problems and the like don’t understand how it affects me.  I don’t live within the boundaries that society has built for people of my age, gender, and size because I am more than those facets.  My history has made me bigger than those small confines of how I “should” be.

I’m so much more

Than status quo

Forget about being another pipe dreamer

Stuck on the bottom floor

I could very easily slide into society’s prescribed roles for me, but I won’t.  I’ve tasted life outside the boundaries, and I can never go back to normalcy.  I’m more than anyone expects me to be.

And I know

It’s time to go

So maybe I’ve gotten everything that I wanted

But I think that I might have made it so

When I said no

No

No

To status quo

Everything I am is what I’ve made of myself.  I never had the social support system that my peers had.  So when I say that I am legitimately good at something, it means that I’ve achieved that skill on my own.  I have done almost everything in my life from my own free will.  And, furthermore, I have become the person I am because I reject everything I’m supposed to be.